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benedictcumberbatch:

221bec:

professionalmisandrist:

What if condoms had temporary tattoos on the inside like you rolled off the condom and there was a picture of a dinosaur on your dick

image

(Source: acoolshark)


bitch-about-it:

My sister forgot how to say “turn up the volume” so she said “zoom in on the sound”


bellecosby:

I wonder how many stranger’s stories we make it into? You know, maybe someone saw you in passing and told their friends about how pretty the girl in the lavender sweater was. Or maybe they overheard you say a joke and repeated it to their friend, confessing that they heard it from some guy at the store. 


crash-mcbarason:

to people that sleep with their bedroom doors open:you are brave but you are going to die young


partybarackisinthehousetonight:

a fun thing to do: say “no thanks, i’m a vegetarian” when people hand you their newborn babies


royalteens:

i swear i’d dress better but i’m poor and fat

(Source: royalteens)


svveden:

svveden:

what do you call a sphere full of idiots

earth


patriarchybarbie:

spookygeiszlers:

Just saw a girl in high heels long boarding to class. Godspeed, my queen.

fuuck

(Source: geiszlerrs)


snapchatting:

life is easy, son. it’s just like riding a bike that’s on fire and you’re on fire and everything is on fire and you’re in hell